What I Love About Mom
A bee in my mom's lavender garden in Washington state
My mom is a lifelong scholar. After finishing her English degree at the most prestigious university in Taiwan, she never stopped studying English literature and history, her favorite subjects. Even as she raised four kids, she continued to devour all manner of history books, especially ancient Chinese history, Taiwanese history, and some American history (she loved following the journey of Lewis and Clark). She had a phase where she even studied geology to better understand the wonders of natural phenomenon at American national parks. More recently, she started to study philosophy. Her pursuit of so many subjects is truly remarkable, as English is her second language.
That curiosity and thirst for learning comes naturally when we’re young - as I age, I fear that I will lose the suppleness of my brain (I think the technical term is neuroplasticity). My mom never lost this passion and I hope to carry it on. The subject matter may not be exactly the same, but that forever student mindset is one of my favorite things about her. She gets so excited about stories of the past and eloquently structured writing, spending not just hours but days poring over texts.
When confronting a terminal illness, we are forced to reckon with our lives. When you don’t have your health, you lose literally all of your freedom. In healthy times, it’s very easy to take that for granted. Closer to end of life, we inevitably mourn the unrealized dreams and paths not taken. But I still want to remind her, and myself, of all the good she has created in the world. In a house full of testosterone, she was the gentle voice that softened the harshness of masculine energy. In difficult times, I’ve found solace in gratitude.
Here is a non-exhaustive list of memories and things I love about my mom:
In the morning, she would always walk in and exclaim in a sing-song voice - “Good Morning, my little princess!” Equally enthusiastically, she would call me “my daughter,” but with the “er” more like an “ah.”
My mom cooked and cleaned for all five of us (yes, I’m including Dad). She never thought of herself as a particularly good cook, but she doesn’t give herself enough credit. She makes a mean rice noodle “mi fun” and Taiwanese beef noodle soup. She knew how to make eggs “just right” - a runny yolk, a jelly-like center, or Taiwanese tea eggs. For breakfast, she’d make traditional Taiwanese congee with pickled vegetables and seitan or pork floss. She’d toast a piece of bread from Pastry House Hippo, sometimes adding some condensed milk on top.
My mom made my lunch throughout my elementary school years and I only really started making my own lunch in high school (and not consistently). It would always be two pieces of white bread with cream cheese, deli turkey, and lettuce; occasionally a tomato but tomato tends to soak into the bread. She kept it wholesome and would give me some diced apple, orange slices, Asian pear, or banana. In the age of lunchables, she always went the extra mile to make sure we were healthy. And yet, I still foolishly stole money from her to buy pop-tarts from the vending machine.
Another food one - she made all-fruit smoothies for me in high school. Let’s just say we never went hungry.
My mom always made sure to read to us before bed and take us to the library often to read books. I am doing the same for my daughter.
My mom is incredibly frugal - she grew up not wanting to waste even a single grain of rice. I still remember when she opened my first savings account and instilled in me the importance of saving money. The interest rate was pretty dismal (I remember wondering what 15 cents of interest could possibly buy), but the lessons are forever.
My mom taught me how important it was to brush my teeth. I remember shortcutting it one night and she made sure I would learn that that was unacceptable.
My mom gave me the gift of music. She took me to piano lessons at the age of 6 and cello a few years after that, finding me the best teachers she could find and accompanying me to all my lessons, taking notes and even recording them so I could review the tapes later on.
Speaking of teeth, my mom was my tooth fairy and would give me a few coins under my pillow in exchange for my baby teeth. Of course, i knew it was her - the tooth fairy’s distinctive cursive handwriting was suspiciously familiar.
My mom gives amazing massages - probably better than anyone (sorry hubby).
My mom dresses well - looking at her old photos, she was impeccably dressed. Her mother was a talented seamstress and she mad all of my mom’s clothes growing up. Fashion was clearly in my bloodline. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to dress as well as her.
I have my mom’s delicate nose. I should be grateful for that!
My mom loves kids. She spoils her grandchildren well. One of my regrets is not having kids earlier so she would have more time with her grandchildren.
My mom always made sure I took care of my skin, especially my face. I still remember her taking me to a Shiseido makeup stand to get my first set of skincare and instilled in me the importance of broad spectrum SPF.
My mom is an avid gardener and especially loves flowers - jasmine and gardenia are her favorites. She especially loves fragrant blooms. Growing up, she enjoyed taking me to the botanical gardens for a stroll. She always kept plants at home - they were her babies after her real babies were grown.
My mom was my greatest emotional support. Without going into details, I had a lot of angst around getting good grades in school; the stress from school was crushing at times. I wouldn’t have gotten through some of my darkest moments without her holding me and telling me it would be okay.
As a teen and even into adulthood, my mom made sure I knew when my behavior or attitude was less than ideal or inappropriate. I didn’t always realize it at the time - after all, criticism is hard to take in, and I’m still not perfect - but that feedback has shaped how I approach my relationships today. We’re often on our best behavior with strangers, but how we treat our loved ones reveals our true selves. She cared deeply about me and she showed it with her honesty.
My mom always wanted the best for me - she wanted me to have self-respect. More specifically, she wanted me to be classy and that meant dressing appropriately, having proper manners, and showing respect to my elders. I don’t know that I’ll ever perfectly embody the “ladylike” temperament she had in mind, but I’ve grown to appreciate the same values of humility, respect, and integrity.
It’s easy to forget just how lucky I am to have her as my mom. I am really going to miss her when she is gone. Thankfully, I have plenty of stories, lessons, and reminders that I get to pass on to my daughter.
Hug your mom and tell her you love her. You just never know when it’s the last time.
